There are entire aisles in Target and Babies R Us full of “essential” baby dining products. There aren’t just cups – there are training cup SYSTEMS, with a variety of “stages” including endless combinations of removable handles, bottle nipple tops, sippy tops, straw tops, sport bottle tops, wide fat cups, tall skinny cups, and so forth.
You can get plastic dishes with divided sections so that different foods don’t have to touch each other, and bowls with suction cups on the bottom to foil your clever and devious children. Everything must be plastic and unbreakable. Because of course children are maniacs and can’t be trusted to handle anything of any importance.
In Montessori philosophy, babies are weaned (as in baby-led weaning/solids, not as in halting breastmilk/formula suddenly) at low tables with tiny chairs they can get in and out of on their own very early. They are allowed to feed themselves using their fingers or a “pre-loaded” fork or spoon (until they can “load” it themselves). They drink out of appropriately-sized glassware and use real ceramic dishes. To appeal to the child’s sense of beauty, a flower in a vase or other centerpiece may be placed on the table.
To see this in action, watch this video. It’s not mine, but it’s been a favorite of mine for a long time. It just goes to show that children, including very young babies, are not maniacs by nature. They are extremely capable and only need to be taught and supported in order to learn skills of independence. Babies are small people learning at astonishing rates… not animals to train or inconveniences to manage.
I personally decided to forego the Montessori weaning table (and it may be a bit “extreme” for most families), because I wanted to be able to sit around our regular dining table as a whole family, and share a meal. I chose instead to use a Svan high chair, which is highly adjustable and extremely sturdy, with a foot rest that can be lowered as the child grows up, to allow her to climb into the chair on her own (the independence aspect). Another similar chair is the Stokke Tripp Trapp. Watch for a sale (I got mine on mamabargains, but they said it’s unlikely they’ll get a chance to feature it again) or scour craigslist for yours. They’re expensive new.
I almost never used the tray, and very soon also removed the “cage” around the seat so that Anneliese could sit closer to the table. That instantly reduced mess, since most of the food she accidentally dropped would land on the table. Still, a lot went on the floor at first, but now we hardly have anything on the floor at the end of a meal. Have patience with your child. She is learning every single day.
(I had the seat cushion on backward, so that it would pad the edge where her legs hung down. Now that she is bigger and sits more comfortably, that’s unnecessary, and she does fine without the cushion at all when it is being washed.)
Dishes don’t need to come from a special line of baby dining “essentials.” In fact, you might have some in your house already. We didn’t buy any new plates or bowls for Anneliese. Instead, we use saucers, appetizer plates, and salad plates as her dishes. Her bowls are ramekins and small dipping bowls. If your dishes are more precious to you, or irreplaceable, try looking for pretty saucers at your local antique store, or just buy a few separately at the dollar store, Pier 1, or World Market. I want to let you know though, that Anneliese is 1 year old, and she has never broken a dish or bowl.
Finding appropriately-sized silverware is a cinch too. Choose silverware the same way you would decide on it for yourself. See if it feels balanced in your hand, and notice if it looks beautiful (children are more likely to treat something with respect if it is obviously a thing of beauty or value. They’ll know if you just give them “the cheap crap” because you don’t trust them).
Anneliese’s first silverware was actually an appetizer set we already had (left). It’s unfortunate that they’re no longer available. The gorgeous 12-piece set was only about $10. We picked up a similar set at IKEA (right) which is in “toys and play” but is food safe. We actually haven’t used this set, and I want to note that the fork tines don’t seem sharp enough to actually pierce much effectively, but I do love the shape of the spoons and knives. Plus, the set of 16 utensils is only $7.
This spring, I found a jackpot at World Market, where you can buy individual pieces of beautiful condiment flatware. I bought a few matching sets of forks and spoons, although knives were available too.
Cups and glasses are another story, and another area where you don’t have to just buy what’s on the shelves at Wal-Mart. Anneliese has never had a sippy cup. There is nothing WRONG with sippy cups, but I just don’t see the necessity of it, if she can drink out of a glass or a straw like any other person. I drink from glasses at home. When I’m at restaurants I use straws. On the go, I might have a straw cup or a sport-top bottle. These are all viable options for babies too.
Here is the glassware/drinkware that Anneliese uses.
From left to right:
- A creamer we already owned (we have 2), used as a pitcher by my husband and I for refilling her small cups
- A shot glass we already owned (set of 6, which we never actually used for alcohol) which is the perfect size for Anneliese to hold and drink from on her own – this is the most-used out of the three options. The weighted base also helps to prevent accidental spills.
- An espresso mug from World Market.
- A stainless steel baby mug.
When Anneliese learns to walk and starts to want to help out in the kitchen, I’ll store her dishes and flatware where she can reach them, so that she can help set the table. Her place setting, when complete, will probably look something like this (or with one of the larger cups to drink from):
I will probably also make her an embroidered or appliqued placemat to help her with setting her place.
Not all baby-led-weaning families are Montessori families, but both philosophies tell you to trust the child, to follow the child’s lead, and to support the child in her learning. If I can trust my child to gag up a piece of food that’s too big, I can trust her with a ceramic dish.
Baby’s age: 12 months. Dishes/glasses broken to date: 0
Feel free to ask any questions, and I’ll try to answer them in the comments or in a later post.
I love this post! And I keep finding that I adopt Montessori elements in my parenting without even knowing it. As I was tweeting tonight, we eat around our coffee table, and right now Sebastian actually eats standing or in my lap. (We are getting him some small chairs for his birthday.) I love that he can just leave the table when he is finished – There is no having to guess when he is done eating.
We use a lot of baby dishes because we got them as gifts and they’re cute, but I don’t intend to buy any more except for a stainless steel cup.
Sebastian eats off of our ceramic (maybe?) Ikea dishes often, and drinks out of our full size glass glasses.
Oh this post is just so so good, I am going to go promote it everywhere now.
This is absolutely how myself and one of my besties treat our children, right down to the appreciation of beauty. Just perfect.
Thank you for the feedback! Anneliese can drink out of our glasses (if we hold them/tip them of course) too, which has come in handy at a couple restaurants which didn’t have kid-sized glasses available.
The stainless steel cup is SO sweet, and it comes in a lovely little box (nothing fancy, but just a nice white box) you could save if you want to store it for him for when he is an adult, after he uses it as a child. Definitely something “keepsake”-worthy, which could end up a family heirloom.
I’m so glad you liked the post. It’s been in my head for a long time, but finally (with a push from twitter) decided to take the photos and write it up tonight.
Sebastian will pull up to the table and drink from an adult glass on his own with both hands. I saw him do it from across the room for the first time and it floored me! He didn’t even spill, just came over, took a sip, put the glass down and crawled away. Too funny.
So Awesome!!
I have a couple of questions.
1. When did you start giving A food?
2. Did you automatically give her utensils at the same time?
I think this post will clear up both questions: http://www.babyledweaningblog.com/2011/02/22/annelieses-first-food-egg-yolks/
Great post. We didn’t start with utensils until a few months ago, but she does really well with them. I noticed that she does way better with the small adult spoons than her baby spoons.
She started drinking out of a glass when we started BLW (with us holding them). I need to get her some plates and bowls because we don’t really have anything her size, though she does like to throw the things we give her so we will have to work on that.
One of the things that always bugged me about “Baby silverware”, is that the handles are so chunky and gargantuan. The baby’s hands are so small and it’s like eating with a log. It’s so much easier for them to manage appropriately sized items. That concept is repeated in lots ot baby things and thwarts fine motor skill development IMHO.
I was wondering about this. We plan on starting BLW in a couple weeks. I have the Svan chair as well and love it. But yes, my daughter seems much more interested in our dishes and silverware than the stuff made specifically for babies. She views the soft spoons and plastic bowls more as toys.
Great post – I toyed with the Montessori thing with my daughter when she was about 15-18 months old and she loved it! Today, at three and a half, she’s also never broken a dish, save maybe one or two when setting the table or playing, but never while actually eating.
Baby led weaning is for sure the way to go, although I am curious what you might think about a baby that is super interested in food prior to six months…would you allow them some food to experiment with, like a big raw carrot? I know that the recommendations are six months, but if you’re not starting with all that processed mush and force feeding them, does it matter if the baby starts reaching for your plate earlier? Penny for your thoughts!
Okay, so I’m wondering if it has anything to do with the personality of the child? I wish I could say my 10 month old hasn’t broken any dishes yet, but from day 1 of blw, he picks up and throws any sort of dish you put in front of him. I corrected him several times in the beginning, but then thought, “he has NO idea why this is not okay and me correcting him is just confusing him,” so I now just put food on the table or tray in front of him. About once a week, I try a bowl or utensil… he takes the food off of it or out of it, and then throws the dish or utensil. I don’t want to act like that’s a “bad” thing for him to do, since he’d have no idea why I cheer when he throws me a ball, and then scold when he throws me a bowl. Am I making sense?
Also, he has been drinking out of a real glass since he was 6 months old, and he holds it fine, drinks out of it fine, but then when he’s done, he says, “Done!” and immediately throws it across the room. I’ve tried to catch him right before he throws it and say, “Done mama. I’m done, mama. Okay, let’s set it down gently.” He knows the word “gently” since we use it in other circumstances, so when I say this, he looks at me curiously and then pushes it off his tray and onto the floor “gently”, lol.
Does Annelise throw other toys (that are meant to be thrown or that aren’t?)
This post is making me really want to figure out what’s up with him doing this… maybe we’ll try again tonight. Really curious about your thoughts though.
Maybe it is like what she said in the post, that he has no other way to express that he is finished? Sebastian would dump his plates and bowls in the beginning, play with them, throw them on the floor (Never play with food, just the dish), but after awhile he just got over it and now eats out of a dish with his hands and then just leaves it on the table. As I said in my comment though, we don’t have a high chair. He sit or stands at a small table and can leave under his own power when he’s finished.
I totally get what you’re saying about cheering for throwing a ball but not for a dish. Raising a baby really makes you question the way society views things and what is ‘normal’.
This was my feedback too. My LO eats off the tray because he throws everything. We do have a collection of baby spoons, because they were gifts, and we go through about 4 spoons/meal, because he throws them. And he’s not throwing because he’s finished, but because it’s fun! (I think. I have to give him a new spoon, because even if I just swept, there is still dog hair on the floor.)
I just started giving him food in a ceramic ramekin, but I have to watch him pretty closely or else it is chucked over the side as well.
I’ll write about this in the next post. Don’t worry.
Sure she throws other toys. and I didn’t just give her the dishes on day 1 and expect her to just KNOW how to use them… it’s been a process and I’ll write about it in my next post.
And babies are certainly smart enough to figure out that throwing a ball is acceptable but throwing dishes isn’t. Just like my dog can learn which toys belong to her and which ones are the baby’s (she does NOT chew on the baby’s toys). Don’t underestimate your baby!
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This is a GREAT post. The cutlery is so important. Most baby stuff is designed to appeal to the parents, not be user friendly for babies!